As I sit down to write this post today, the sun is coming up, casting a warm orange glow on the trees, the birds are chirping outside my window, the weather is slowly warming up and the promise of Spring is right outside my door. With my cat sitting beside me and a hot cup of coffee in hand, I will attempt to pay tribute today to a beloved man who will be so missed, hoping the right words will come to me.
That man is my father-in-law, Al Musci. The father of my ex-husband and the grandfather of my kids. He is the proud grandfather of 13 grandchildren and he cherished every moment with them. He passed away last week, and today we begin the process of honoring his memory and laying him to rest. This won’t be easy for my mother-in-law and the family he leaves behind. A true patriarch, he instilled in all of us a love of family and what it means to live a good life. An honorable life. A life where I’m sure he had few regrets because his life was directed by his faith and love of family.
When I think about my in-laws, I think about the ties that bind. The things that not just bring people together, but hold them together. For those of us in Italian families, we know that our rich heritage and traditions help hold the family together. I was introduced to this family when I was just 18 years old and started dating their son. Both of us the youngest of four children, I could quickly feel the strong sense of family and tradition. Coming from an Italian Catholic family myself, I felt right at home. I was certain on my wedding day back in 1990 that I was marrying into the right family. I saw in them the reflection of my values and looked forward to being part of the family.
Over the years, the family grew. One by one each wedding took place, each grandchild was born, and the family expanded. I spent 24 years sharing holidays, birthdays, Sunday dinners, baptisms, vacations, and everything in-between. Although the marriage ended, the family ties were not severed. You can’t just cancel the moments, the memories, or the things that endeared you to one another. We will always be connected and we will always be family. Yes, life has moved on and things have changed, but the bond is still there and forever will be, and that’s exactly as my father-in-law would want it. Time and distance do not change what’s in your heart.
My father-in-law immigrated to this country when he was a young child. His parents raised him with strong faith, a strong work ethic, and a love of country. He passed these values down to his four sons. He lived his life in Akron where he grew up and raised a family alongside many of his childhood friends, a testament to the value he placed on relationships. He loved the simple things in life and appreciated everything he earned. He did not live a wasteful or frivolous life. He never bought a brand new car and always found a way to use something most of us might deem useless. He traveled the world through his career and later took the family on several wonderful vacations where they made memories to last a lifetime. I remember the time we took Papa and Grandma to Orlando with us one spring break. Alex was in 8th grade, Nick in 5th. We were walking around Sea World, and my son Alex and Papa were always a few paces behind the rest of us (typical!). Not wanting to get separated, we told Alex to stay with Papa as we moved along. I remember coming out of the restroom to find him sitting on a bench, speaking Italian to a man he just met! He found people to converse with no matter where he went!
He loved to garden and tinker around the house. He could fix anything! More than once he repaired a cracked vase or decorative plate of mine so seamlessly, you could never even see the crack! Hanging wallpaper or pictures with him was a real treat. The engineer in him had to be precise about every measurement and everything had to be measured at least twice for accuracy! He grew the best tomatoes and peppers and in true Italian culture, was happiest when the family was gathered around the table. He loved my cooking, especially his favorite coconut cream pie and I enjoyed making it for him on Palm Sunday and when he’d come to visit us. He also loved playing cards and telling corny jokes which he did right up until the end. Not to be forgotten, my mother-in-law did her part too. A strong woman is always the one holding the family together and I’m sure she will continue to do so, even in her grief. Together, they built a life and a family that anyone would be proud to be a part of. He gave us all enough to celebrate. He lived a full life and a life well-lived. What more could you ask for?
At first thought, it seems so sad that he passed before his birthday next month without one more celebration. Although suffering from Alzheimer’s, his death was unexpected at this time. That’s how death often happens. It creeps up on us when we aren’t quite ready and catches us off guard, always leaving us wishing for one more day or one more chance. You just never know what each day holds and yet we fail to really understand this concept until we are forced to accept something so final and which we cannot change.
When I stop and think about it, this was his favorite time of the year. He loved Spring when the family always gathered for Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday dinner. When the weather cleared, he could start planting his garden again and milling about the yard. He always pointed out the return of the birds and the crocus’ coming up. So maybe it’s only fitting that the Lord called him home during this season of rebirth because now he is made whole again. He wouldn’t want us to mourn so much as to celebrate his life and his memory. I’m sure if he could send a message down to us right now he’d be saying “It’s okay. Go on without me. You’ll be fine Sweetheart.” I can hear those words coming out of his mouth as I type them. He would have his arm around all the grandkids comforting them.
His passing leaves a major void in the family; an empty seat at the table. His absence will be felt and he will be missed, but he will never be forgotten. He leaves behind a rich legacy that will outlast his 92 years here on earth. In fact, for years we could all see his eldest son John inherited the same knack for joke-telling. Middle son Larry has a green thumb too and can grow a bountiful garden. Mike can fix anything and David can grill flank steak just as well as his dad. All kidding aside, these little things seem so simple & yet these are lessons and traits handed down from one generation to the next. As I told my sons, the best way to honor Papa is to build a family like he and Grandma did and carry on his traditions. Honor his memory by modeling your life after his. That is to say, cherish your family, your friends, and your faith. Let those three things guide your decisions and be your compass through life and in doing so, you will make him proud.
I am thankful for his role in my life, and I am most thankful for the grandfather he was and always will be to Alex and Nick. My boys are better men because of him. My hope and prayer are that they will carry their grandfather in their hearts and be the husband, father, and grandfather he was. I pray they will one day create a beautiful family just like he did. I can still hear him and my mother-in-law saying “your family is your riches.” So true. I pray that my kids and all the grandkids will live their life with the same appreciation for the simple things, and love each other with a Fearless and Faithful love of family as he did.
