A Friend By Any Other Name

What is a friend?  

According to dictionary.com, a friend is “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.” 

In simple terms, most of us would say a friend is a person we enjoy being with and have similar interests; someone who makes us laugh; someone who sticks by us and shares the good times and cheers us on through the hard times; someone who supports us.

In fact, there are many ways to define a friend.

Accordingly, there are several different types of friendships. There are the friends we grew up with and knew us when we were young. The friends who celebrate life’s moments with us. There are friends who hold us accountable to our diet & exercise goals and those who are always up for grabbing lunch or happy hour when we need to talk.  There are friends that make you laugh until your face hurts and friends who somehow inspire you to step out of your comfort zone. There are work friends; people you love and respect professionally even though your friendship may not carry on outside the office. There are the parents of your kids’ friends who you bond with as you raise your children together. 

There are friends who will see yourself in a different light than you will ever view yourself, but because of them, they make you a better person & cause you to grow. There are friends who become family to us who we feel even more connected to sometimes than our own siblings. There are friends who will check in on you just to see how you’re doing and regrettably, there are also friends who will betray our confidences and leave you feeling hurt and shocked only to realize they never truly were the person you gave them credit for being.  It’s okay.  Let them go.  It just means their time in your life is over with and you’ve outgrown the relationship. Be thankful for them because they taught you a lesson. 

Everyone has a friend during each season of life. that fills a space in time for us. Trust that the Universe knows who and what we need and puts people in the proper place at the proper time.  In some cases, a friend can be a catalyst to help you see something you couldn’t see for yourself.  When that season is over, we move beyond that friendship because the purpose of that relationship has been fulfilled. I have also personally experienced this type of friendship. Some of you may call it fate or divine intervention. Call it what you will, but it reflects the seasonality of relationships and life.  One relationship ending often gives way to a new relationship that we need for the present time we are living in, so instead of lamenting it, pause, reflect, and then accept that maybe it’s for the best.

In my life, I am blessed to have lifelong friends who will always be special to me.  There truly is no friend like an old friend.  They are the ones you grew up with and went from having sleepovers and riding bikes together, to going on double dates and maybe even holding a place in each other’s weddings; the ones you grew up learning about life with. It’s amazing to me that the experiences you share growing up with someone can really bond you together for so long. The shared experiences of a childhood together have had a profound impact on our development. Having moved away from my hometown 30 years ago, I am proud of the friendships I have been able to maintain while living apart and sad for the ones where we just don’t keep in touch as much as I’d like. Certainly, social media has made it much easier for people to stay connected long distance.  But moving away from “home” has also given me the opportunity to broaden my scope, experience living in different areas and meeting new people which has also afforded me some uniquely wonderful and diverse relationships as well.

There’s a special blessing in the different types of friendships I have. I have friends of all ages.  Some are twenty years younger than me and some are twenty years older than me.  Some I have many things in common with and others, it would seem, we have little on in common but somehow the friendship just works.  They each bring something different to my life for which I am grateful for. 

I am also proud to say that some of my best friends are male. Growing up, my male friends encouraged me to do things I may not have done.  I can think of two very special friends in particular who forced me to go on roller coasters that I was terribly afraid of and to join ski club even though I was terrified of the chair lift and held on for dear life! The male friends in my life taught me how to water ski and how to do doughnuts in a snowy parking lot. Sometimes they would come over when I was babysitting down the street and heard a scary noise. Sometimes we would go to Taco Bell and chow down for $5 or drink a six-pack in the car on a snowy evening and get stuck in a snowbank (true story)!  I am so grateful for those moments I shared with them. They forced me to let go of my fear and join them. With the guys, there was no drama, just plain fun. They lived in the moment!

In adulthood, the male friends I have made through my professional relationships bring yet another dimension to my life.  I appreciate the insight a male friendship can provide.  Men and women truly see things so differently at times and having their perspective can be very enlightening. Men don’t seem to overthink things as much as women do in general. They are less apt to let fear hold them back and less risk-averse.  Do some men get ahead more because they are less afraid of taking chances and more inclined to make bold decisions?  Possibly.  Having a male friend in the office who supports you is definitely an asset worth having. Male or female, when you feel a connection to someone, respect it and celebrate it.  Indeed, I am happy to say some of my closest friends are male and I love them like a brother from another mother.

]Going through a major life change or event will also reveal who your friends really are.  Who really stood beside you when you went through a breakup with your boyfriend or a divorce?  Who was there for you when you were dealing with sickness or the death of a loved one? Again, I speak from experience here. When I was going through the end of my first marriage & my divorce, I truly felt God was putting people in place to not only look after me, but to look after my two boys.  There were people I was surprised to hear from, calling me to offer support, to take me to lunch, and to keep a watchful eye on my kids.  Those people gave me the faith I needed to see that people cared and that everything would be alright.  

This is so important because when you are going through something like that, it literally takes everything you have to get out of bed, put on a happy face and keep things as normal as possible for your kids.  So many times, I dreaded doing the “normal” things because nothing felt normal anymore.  I was paranoid of what people were saying behind my back because, let’s face it, divorce always makes for juicy gossip and some just can’t resist. 

Despite all that though, I felt very insulated and that was so very comforting. It’s true what they say;  friends are the family you choose. Now that that season has passed, some of these friends I speak to or see less frequently but they forever left their mark on my life. They were there for me when I needed them and made sure I never felt alone, but now their lives and mine have moved beyond that point. They will always have a place in my heart and my gratitude, but the Universe has us going in different directions now and that’s okay!  I’m sure many of you have had similar experiences and can relate to what I am saying.  

This past week, I was able to reconnect with two long-lost but not forgotten friends.  Much to my surprise, I received the most wonderful phone call from one of those dear friends who moved away a long time ago.  We haven’t seen each other in about 6 years and at that time, she was making plans to leave her abusive husband. I feared for her, as did many others. Can I tell you it was so good to hear her voice!!!! 

This friend was able to finally pull herself out of a physically and emotionally abusive marriage and rebuild her life.  What courage and strength that took! Hearing her sound so happy and so strong truly made me cry tears of joy for her.  What caught me even more by surprise is that she told me she looked up to me and that she admires me for rebuilding my life and for the courage and strength I showed her.  Can you believe that? 

All the while, I am telling her that I can’t even imagine living through what she endured to get where she is now.  I truly felt she was paying me a compliment I was not worthy of receiving. We ended the phone call telling each other we loved the other and promised to meet up in a couple of weeks. 

Never doubt that whatever trials and tribulations you are going through, someone else is experiencing something similar and looking to you as an example.  When you come out the other side, know that you are now equipped with the experience and lessons that someone else needs you to share with them! Don’t be ashamed or afraid to share your story with someone who may need to hear it! 

You are their inspiration and you don’t even know it.

How powerful is that? 

Just as other strong women reached out to me, now I hope to be reaching others with my message. Truly, the best friendships are the people who never give up on each other, who pray for each other, and believe the other deserves better than the hand they have been dealt.  The people who Fearlessly and Faithfully believe in each other. Who Fearlessly and Faithfully move forward inspiring others. These are the warriors.  These are the people who make a difference in the lives of others. These are the people I want in my tribe.  People who lift each other up.  

This week, let’s pledge in our own lives to go out and love our friends with a Fearless and Faithful kind of love!