Monthly Archives

May 2021

We Remember

by Nancy LaMarca May 31, 2021

Today we celebrate one of our most important holidays in America, and that is Memorial Day. A day that is usually marked by weekend festivities such as family cookouts, the opening of community swimming pools, boating, and a nice long 3-day weekend to usher in the official start of Summer. Some towns even host parades and other ceremonies to remind us of the significance of this day. Many people choose to visit the graves of their loved ones and place flowers or a wreath in remembrance. Everyone loves to celebrate the long weekend, but how many of us really understand the origin of the holiday?

Memorial Day was formerly known as Decoration Day, and it was a day set aside to honor those we lost during the Civil War. As time went on, we know that the United States went on to fight in two world wars, the Lorean War, The Vietnam War, and the ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. In 1968, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, which stated that Memorial Day would always be celebrated on the last Monday in the month of May, and declared it a federal holiday.

While time spent enjoying the company of family and friends is always time well spent, it’s important to take a moment to reflect on why we are even free to have this holiday to begin with. People we never knew fought for it. They made the greatest sacrifice they could make for people they will never meet. They laid down their lives in their brave and valiant fights to preserve freedom and save our country from those who wish us harm. And not just to save our country, but as history shows us, to save other countries as well and make the world a better place.

I look at my sons and can’t imagine sending them off to battle, yet every day, parents in this country kiss their children goodbye and wish them Godspeed as they voluntarily choose to follow in the paths of the heroes who serve this country. We pray that God bless them and keep them safe and return them to their families.

In a time when our patriotism is being questioned, when burning the flag and kneeling are often seen as “courageous”, may we remember what true courage is. Today we honor those who laid down their lives for the greater good. May we never forget them. May we always salute our beautiful flag and all that it represents, including those who have died for it. May our schools return to teaching a love of country and The Pledge of Allegiance so that our children and grandchildren will grow up with a sense of love and respect for our freedoms we so conveniently take for granted. Freedom isn’t free, and a youth that does not understand their history will not be willing to defend it if called upon to do so.

May we always be “One Nation, Under God, indivisible, with Liberty & Justice for all!”

Let us go out there, Fearlessly, Faithfully, and Unapologetically show our patriotism for this great country!

May 31, 2021 0 comment

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Living Your Values

by Nancy LaMarca May 24, 2021

In my most recent session with my life coach, we discussed how to identify your values so you can determine if you are living life in accordance with that which you value most. It sounds like a simple exercise, but it was actually a bit more thought-provoking than I would have guessed, so I thought I would share this topic and expand on it with you, my readers.

To begin, she presented me with a list of about 50 words, and I had to circle the Top 10 that meant the most to me; the ones that reflected what I value most. Naturally, because I am me, I couldn’t keep it to just ten! I went slightly over and said “this must mean I am an overachiever”, but it just means I value a lot of traits and qualities in people and I need to focus on them more.

Why is this so important? Because we all get caught up going through life and going about our day-to-day activities without sometimes pausing to reflect on whether or not this activity, this job, or this relationship is actually bringing us any value or whether or not it actually is a reflection of our values. We often feel pulled in several directions, some of which were really don’t want to go in. I’m at this place right now. Spread thin. Feeling guilty for making choices I shouldn’t feel guilty about. Clarifying my priorities.

Living by your values helps create the roadmap for our lives, so getting clear on what we value is key. When we identify what we place the highest value on, we can look at where we are & how we spend our time, and whether or not we are in alignment with our true selves.

What does all that mean? In short, it means living life on your terms based on what’s most important to you. I know this is sometimes easier said than done, but this is a blueprint that we should all try to apply in all areas of our lives to live as authentically as possible. This blueprint can be applied to our family lives, our professional lives, our personal lives, and really every aspect of our lives.

The result of not living according to our values means living in disharmony rather than harmony. When you go against your values or live your life in a way that is contrary to what you value most, then you are likely to be feeling stress and anxiety in those areas. You will feel constantly conflicted by what you want to do and what you think is expected of you. When we fail to live our truth, we cause an inner conflict within ourselves that no doubt will spill over into other areas of our life as well. This can lead to taking it out on our relationships, experiencing physical health problems, trouble sleeping, etc.

So how do we identify our true values? Here are a few things you can ask yourself:

Write down 10-15 things/traits, virtues that are important to you.
Describe yourself to someone who doesn’t know you in 20 words or less.
Who do you find inspiring and why?
What qualities in others do you find hard to tolerate? The opposite of that is likely something you value highly.
What is most/least important to you.

Start here and let your journey of self-discovery take you wherever it leads. I hope that you will take a few minutes to reflect on living your values and then Fearlessly and Faithfully go about making any adjustments you need to live a happy life. Should you need some help, I have just the life coach to recommend to you!

May 24, 2021 0 comment

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Caring and Caregiving

by Nancy LaMarca May 3, 2021

To say that life has been an emotional roller coaster these last couple of weeks would be an understatement. We have a saying in real estate that the highs are high, and the lows are low, but really, that statement carries over to life in general. You can be on top of the world one day and feel like someone just sucker punched you the next.

The last two weeks have been particularly tough on my family, as my 95-year-old father’s health has rapidly declined. He has fallen in the home several times and can no longer take steps on his own much less take care of his basic needs. Decisions had to be made as to what is the best course of action for him now, and like so many of you reading this know, these decisions are never easy. Nobody wants to put their parents in a nursing home but yet, sometimes it is the only viable option and the best option for them. Promises are often made in good faith that we will never let that happen. The trouble with making promises like that is that we can’t predict what the future holds and often can’t keep those promises. We naively think we will be able to handle it but like so many situations, you don’t know exactly how hard and stressful something is until you are in the thick of it.

Such is the case with my Dad. We all knew one of his biggest fears was going into a home. His other biggest fear is dying. And here we are, the four adult children along with my mother, who have to decide what to do now when keeping him in the home are no longer realistic, safe, or the best option. It’s a situation so many have found themselves in or will find themselves in at some point. When your loved one is suffering from severe cognitive and physical decline, 24-hour skilled care becomes the requirement that unfortunately trumps those promises. The loved one often doesn’t understand that these decisions are not a betrayal, but rather a very difficult, emotional choice made out of love and concern for them. These decisions are made out of necessity, not convenience, and certainly not light-hearted.

When my husband was faced with this decision for his own mother, I remember telling him that sometimes the best way to show someone you love them is to recognize your limitations and know that you are no longer their best caregiver. He felt guilty and inadequate, as though he let her down, but really, he was doing everything in his power for her. This is how my siblings felt as they were trying to juggle 24-hour shifts last week to care for Dad. I was out of town and felt helpless but tried to provide input and support. These situations are made all the more complicated and emotional when family dynamics and dysfunction often have family members arguing with each other instead of coming together. A bad situation becomes even tougher when everyone’s emotions are seemingly on steroids.

The bottom line is you have to do what’s best for everyone, most importantly the loved one who needs care but you must also consider the effects on everyone involved. You cannot pour from an empty cup. The stress this was all putting on my mother as well as becoming too much for her. She felt guilty for not being able to handle it on her own. Mind you, she is 88-years old herself. There is tremendous stress on family members who can’t get a good night’s sleep as they try to care for the loved one, maintain their responsibilities and commitments the next day, and then feel exhausted, guilty, and even resentful of their role and the demands it is taking on them. It’s overwhelming. There is no way out and there are no easy answers.

Here’s the truth. We are not superheroes. We are human and we can’t do it all. We might like to think we have superpowers and we can handle everything and be the heroic martyr, but really, we can’t. And we weren’t meant to. Sometimes our loved ones simply need more than we are equipped to give them. It’s not that we don’t want to care for them it’s that we aren’t fully capable. Our intentions are good. Our love is pure, but it’s not enough. The adult child now takes on the role of parenting and tough love by having to make the difficult decision to place them in a skilled nursing facility.

The message I want everyone reading to take away is that if you find yourself in this position, please, stop feeling guilty. This situation is difficult enough without adding another layer on top of it. If you can find your loved one a safe, clean, place where they can get the care they need, good care, then accept it as the best possible solution to a terrible, unavoidable situation that you never asked to be in. Putting them in a safe place is an act of love, not betrayal, even if it doesn’t feel that way at the moment, and you need not feel like you are abandoning them. Sometimes it’s the only choice. We beat ourselves up over guilt in so many areas of our life and feeling guilty never leads to anything good or productive. It causes us to second guess our decisions and sometimes projects our feelings on others in an angry, resentful way. Our loved ones, and my Dad, in this case, deserve to finish out their life with the best possible care we can give them. And sometimes, to do that, we need the help of others who can fill in where our capabilities left off.

This journey will not be easy but it’s one many of us will be called to walk. It can be made so much more bearable by trying to love each other as best we can Fearlessly and Faithfully, praying that God will give us what we need and what our loved one needs to get through it. We are human. We cannot do this alone. We need Him and each other.

“When you are weary and carrying heavy burdens, go to God and He will give you Rest.” Matthew 11:28

May 3, 2021 0 comment