March 2021

When winter comes, the grass is brown and dormant.  The temperatures fall and many of us practically go into hibernation for the season.  The trees lose their leaves and look bare & skeletal.  Everything around us just seems gloomy and lifeless.  There are little signs of life but we know that every year, that which is dormant  will come back to life in the Spring.  Knowing this, we get through the winter season with anticipation of what is to come.  Nature is telling us she may be down, but she is not out.  She will be back.  We will get there, we tell ourselves.  In just a few months everything will bloom again.  The days will get longer.  The sun will get brighter.  The birds will return and we  will feel energized by this season of rebirth.

Well, it looks like we made it!  Winter is seemingly behind us and Spring is in the air.  The season of rebirth is upon us and nature will once again reward us with her beauty as the dormant grass becomes green again.  The budding trees and the crocus popping up let us know that eventually, everything blooms again and there is new life.  For those of us who Believe, this sacred Holy Week is when we reflect on Jesus’ last days and the suffering he endured for us before rising from the dead.

As I sit here thinking of the beauty of Spring and everything coming back to life, I can’t help but draw the parallels between Spring and my dear friend Arnold.  Two years ago this week, on a breezy but sunny spring day, Arnold decided to hop on one of his Harley’s for a ride.  It was one of the first nice days coming off a long winter, and he was anxious to get some “wind therapy” as he calls it. Although his wife didn’t think it was a good idea that he ride that fateful day, Arnold insisted, assuring her he’d be home for dinner.  Well, eight long and grueling months later, he made it home.

Arnold’s story is one of strength, determination and hope for everyone fighting disease or physical ailments that prevent them from living life on their terms.  Through no fault of his own, Arnold was thrown in the air by a distracted driver and in mere seconds, his life changed.  His injuries so severe, the doctors told his wife and daughters to prepare for his death.  It was unlikely that anyone could survive the extensive injuries he sustained.  They didn’t know what they didn’t know.

You see, when you are in the hospital, you are being treated for your injuries, and while the medical professionals are doing everything they medically can to save your life, they don’t know anything about you and what you are made of inside.  You are just a body they are charged with working on.  A victim of a tragic accident they are trying to save.  The doctors and nurses were looking at Arnold as an anonympus patient.  He was mangled.  He flatlined a few times throughout his ordeal.  His beaten body thought about quitting.  But his spirit wasn’t giving up.  The team working on him had no idea of the fighter inside this boy from Brooklyn.

As the days and months passed, Arnold and his family endured many ups and downs. While it seemed like he just might defy the odds, it was always one step forward, and two steps back as setbacks kept occurring during the healing process.  As Arnold laid there, motionless, he decided to keep fighting for his life.  One day when I was visiting him in the hospital he shared with me the story of how he lay there on the table, with all the alarms, bells and whistles and monitors going off around him. He could hear the doctors and nurses  frantically buzzing about, trying to save him. His heart had stopped again but yet he could hear everything!  In the midst of all this, Arnold says, an angel appeared to him and asked if he wanted to stay and keep fighting or go with him.  Arnold told the angel he wanted to go back to his family, and so he lived! In that moment, his heart started beating again.  Is that not the most amazing story?  He was given new life! Surely guardian angels have been guiding his path home since then.

Over the course of the next several months, he spent every day fighting through the unbearable pain to gain back any mobility he can. He has shown such incredible strength and perseverance where men of lesser character might have given up.  The loving support and prayers of family and friends surely kept him going.  It is incredible think about where he was and where he is now.  The human spirit truly can overcome anything thrown at it and Arnold is certainly a testament to that.  Fearlessly and Faithfully pushing through the pain.  Facing down each struggle.  Effectively sticking his middle finger to the statistics and the odds against him.  That’s the guy we all know and love!  I’ve posted this picture of him pre-accident because it is the perfect illustration of his spirit.  He will be the first person to tell you that when someone says you cant do this or that, “screw them!”  You too can defy the odds and redefine your life!

While Arnold has not gained back use of his legs and he is not expected to, he has working arms and hands and is in the process of learning how to drive his handicap equipped minivan which he loves to call “the command center.”  He has taught us a lesson in perspective.  He shows us that each day is precious and you never know how quickly your life can change.  Take nothing for granted.  Love the people who love you with such fiercenss that nothing will keep you from them.  Yes, life can be scary.  So what?  If he had let his fear of the future get him down, he wouldn’t be here with us today.

Just as Spring comes and makes eveythying anew, he too has made a comeback.  He is living proof that something that looks dead and dormant from the outside may be very much alive inside.  The daffodils and the tulips push themselves up from the dirt.  The tree stands trall even when it is naked and bare.  We know that things may not be the way they were before, but there is still so much beauty and meaning to life, even if it is redefined.

Like so many others, I have often used humor and sarcasm in my life to deflect from pain.  I learned this at a very young age.  Maybe that’s why I love those same qualities I see in him.  Arnold has a wicked sense of humor and an uncanny ability to cut to the chase and say whatever is on his unfiltered mind.   It’s refreshing and I absolutely love that about him.  He can have me crying one minute and cracking up the next.  He is one of the few people that can poke fun at my husband and leave him laughing too instead of thinking he wants to deck this guy!  I hang up from every phone call or walk away from every visit smiling and laughing at something he just said.  He leaves everyone feeling better than he found them.  If you have a friend like that, who can deflect from his/her pain to make you laugh, you’re going to want to keep that friend around.  That friend is a treasure.

So this spring, I am grateful to my dear friend and his beautiful wife for showing me what it means to stay strong, to never give up hope and for modeling what devoted, unconditional love looks like.  They epitomize living Fearlessly and Faithfully.  After all, when you have basically come back from the dead, what is there to fear? I look to Arnold and Christine and I don’t know how they do it, but I’m so glad they do.  I am blessed by their friendship and support in my life. They are like family to me. Maybe it’s the Italian/Brooklyn connection we share.  He is an inspiration to everyone who knows him and then some. An example of what is means to start over and sojourn on.

In the spirit of inspiration, Arnold and his family have found a way to use his tragedy to help others.  In the wake of his accident, they established Arnold’s Ride, a non-profit organization that supports victims of spinal cord injuries.  If you would like to know more about this worthwhile organization, you can click the link:   https://www.arnoldsride.org/

Happy Easter! Happy Spring!  Happy Everything!

Hello Readers!

Thank you for continuing to follow along.  Today I would like to talk about gratitude & gratefullness.

When we talk about gratitude, we tend to think of what we are grateful for.  The two words go hand in hand but they do not share the same meaning.  Being grateful for something or someone is more of a feeling of thankfulness, and it is the first step towards feeling gratitude.  Gratitude, then, is more of a practice.  It’s intentional to practice gratitude.  It’s the manifestation of love and gratefulness so that when we say “have an attitude of gratitude,” it’s more of a mindset rather than a feeling.

I bring this up for a couple of reasons.  One is that the other day, my life coach asked me what I am grateful for and what makes me happy. I started rattling off all the things I am grateful for, and in doing that, my energy shifted.  Life hasn’t been really easy lately for many of us, myself included.  There is so much negativity in the world and at times we are all dealing with our own personal pain and hardships as well as those of the people we love and care for.  It’s easy to get caught up in that and forget that even in the midst of chaos, heartache, and pain, there is still something to be grateful for.  Sometimes the good in our lives gets overshadowed by the bad, and when we are hurting or experiencing sadness, it’s hard to remain mindful of the things we take for granted.

I think the key then to being happy and living in the present moment is keeping gratitude at the forefront of our minds.  I know it’s hard to be thankful for the hardships and obstacles we face, but for me, I am trying to accept that everything has a purpose in our lives, and we may not understand it and we may not like it, but there is something that will come from it.  When we are living in a state of gratitude, we are more accepting of those challenges and understand that there is a purpose to everything.  Without all those experiences and challenges, we wouldn’t be who we are today and we can’t become who we are meant to be.

I am grateful for a lot of things in my life.  I am grateful for a lot of people and the role they have played in my life.  For several reasons, I am personally feeling some deep sadness in my life right now, but I am trying to find joy and acceptance in the journey, which is why I share this with you because surely someone else out there needs to hear this too.

To practice gratitude, I will move forward trying to live my life in a way that shows that appreciation and helps me make sense of things I cannot always understand. The things that don’t always seem fair. One way to begin is to keep a gratitude journal or simply write down every day a few things we are grateful for.  No matter how bad the day may have gone, at the end of the day, there is always something to be thankful for.  Acknowledge the good in your life by speaking of it daily or writing it down.  The act of writing them down helps keep us in a state of mindfulness and helps to focus on the positive.  From here, we can go forth doing things for others from a state of gratitude. Turn your energy outward instead of inward and see how that feels in your own life.  Practicing gratitude is the fastest way to experiencing happiness along the journey of life. When you are thankful for what you have and who you have beside you, you will always have enough.

My hope for all of you reading this is that you too will Fearlessly and Faithfully try to adopt an attitude of gratitude in your lives.  Be grateful for the ability to share your blessings with others.   “No gesture is too small when done with gratitude.”  Oprah winfrey

As I sit down to write this post today, the sun is coming up, casting a warm orange glow on the trees, the birds are chirping outside my window, the weather is slowly warming up and the promise of Spring is right outside my door.  With my cat sitting beside me and a hot cup of coffee in hand, I will attempt to pay tribute today to a beloved man who will be so missed, hoping the right words will come to me.

That man is my father-in-law, Al Musci.  The father of my ex-husband and the grandfather of my kids. He is the proud grandfather of 13 grandchildren and he cherished every moment with them. He passed away last week, and today we begin the process of honoring his memory and laying him to rest. This won’t be easy for my mother-in-law and the family he leaves behind.  A true patriarch, he instilled in all of us a love of family and what it means to live a good life.  An honorable life.  A life where I’m sure he had few regrets because his life was directed by his faith and love of family.

When I think about my in-laws, I think about the ties that bind. The things that not just bring people together, but hold them together.  For those of us in Italian families, we know that our rich heritage and traditions help hold the family together. I was introduced to this family when I was just 18 years old and started dating their son.  Both of us the youngest of four children, I could quickly feel the strong sense of family and tradition. Coming from an Italian Catholic family myself, I felt right at home. I was certain on my wedding day back in 1990 that I was marrying into the right family.  I saw in them the reflection of my values and looked forward to being part of the family.

Over the years, the family grew.  One by one each wedding took place, each grandchild was born, and the family expanded. I spent 24 years sharing holidays, birthdays, Sunday dinners, baptisms, vacations, and everything in-between.  Although the marriage ended, the family ties were not severed.  You can’t just cancel the moments, the memories, or the things that endeared you to one another.  We will always be connected and we will always be family. Yes, life has moved on and things have changed, but the bond is still there and forever will be, and that’s exactly as my father-in-law would want it.  Time and distance do not change what’s in your heart. 

My father-in-law immigrated to this country when he was a young child.  His parents raised him with strong faith, a strong work ethic, and a love of country.  He passed these values down to his four sons.  He lived his life in Akron where he grew up and raised a family alongside many of his childhood friends, a testament to the value he placed on relationships.  He loved the simple things in life and appreciated everything he earned. He did not live a wasteful or frivolous life.  He never bought a brand new car and always found a way to use something most of us might deem useless.  He traveled the world through his career and later took the family on several wonderful vacations where they made memories to last a lifetime.  I remember the time we took Papa and Grandma to Orlando with us one spring break.  Alex was in 8th grade, Nick in 5th.  We were walking around Sea World, and my son Alex and Papa were always a few paces behind the rest of us (typical!).  Not wanting to get separated, we told Alex to stay with Papa as we moved along.  I remember coming out of the restroom to find him sitting on a bench, speaking Italian to a man he just met!  He found people to converse with no matter where he went!

He loved to garden and tinker around the house.  He could fix anything! More than once he repaired a cracked vase or decorative plate of mine so seamlessly, you could never even see the crack!  Hanging wallpaper or pictures with him was a real treat.  The engineer in him had to be precise about every measurement and everything had to be measured at least twice for accuracy!  He grew the best tomatoes and peppers and in true Italian culture, was happiest when the family was gathered around the table.  He loved my cooking, especially his favorite coconut cream pie and I enjoyed making it for him on Palm Sunday and when he’d come to visit us.  He also loved playing cards and telling corny jokes which he did right up until the end.  Not to be forgotten, my mother-in-law did her part too.  A strong woman is always the one holding the family together and I’m sure she will continue to do so, even in her grief.  Together, they built a life and a family that anyone would be proud to be a part of.  He gave us all enough to celebrate. He lived a full life and a life well-lived.  What more could you ask for?

At first thought, it seems so sad that he passed before his birthday next month without one more celebration. Although suffering from Alzheimer’s, his death was unexpected at this time.  That’s how death often happens.  It creeps up on us when we aren’t quite ready and catches us off guard, always leaving us wishing for one more day or one more chance.  You just never know what each day holds and yet we fail to really understand this concept until we are forced to accept something so final and which we cannot change.

When I stop and think about it, this was his favorite time of the year.  He loved Spring when the family always gathered for Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday dinner. When the weather cleared, he could start planting his garden again and milling about the yard.  He always pointed out the return of the birds and the crocus’ coming up.  So maybe it’s only fitting that the Lord called him home during this season of rebirth because now he is made whole again. He wouldn’t want us to mourn so much as to celebrate his life and his memory.  I’m sure if he could send a message down to us right now he’d be saying “It’s okay.  Go on without me. You’ll be fine Sweetheart.”  I can hear those words coming out of his mouth as I type them.  He would have his arm around all the grandkids comforting them.

His passing leaves a major void in the family; an empty seat at the table.  His absence will be felt and he will be missed, but he will never be forgotten. He leaves behind a rich legacy that will outlast his 92 years here on earth.  In fact, for years we could all see his eldest son John inherited the same knack for joke-telling. Middle son Larry has a green thumb too and can grow a bountiful garden.  Mike can fix anything and David can grill flank steak just as well as his dad.  All kidding aside, these little things seem so simple & yet these are lessons and traits handed down from one generation to the next.  As I told my sons, the best way to honor Papa is to build a family like he and Grandma did and carry on his traditions. Honor his memory by modeling your life after his.  That is to say, cherish your family, your friends, and your faith.  Let those three things guide your decisions and be your compass through life and in doing so, you will make him proud. 

I am thankful for his role in my life, and I am most thankful for the grandfather he was and always will be to Alex and Nick. My boys are better men because of him. My hope and prayer are that they will carry their grandfather in their hearts and be the husband, father, and grandfather he was. I pray they will one day create a beautiful family just like he did.  I can still hear him and my mother-in-law saying “your family is your riches.”  So true.  I pray that my kids and all the grandkids will live their life with the same appreciation for the simple things, and love each other with a Fearless and Faithful love of family as he did.

When thinking of going out or meeting up with friends, many of us have a favorite place we like to go to.  Sometimes we go for the happy hour specials, the atmosphere, or just for the cheap beer.  My husband and I have such a place.  I will stop short of saying it’s my favorite place, but we have a place.

Picture, if you will, the perfect dive bar.  Old woodworking, dark and dimly lit, the same servers who have worked there forever and nothing has changed inside in 30 years.  In fact, we were just there last Friday night for the first time since December and the Christmas lights were still up!  Truthfully, I actually like the lights.  They add some color and cheerfulness to the place.   

The kind of place where everybody knows your name, and if they don’t, they soon will.  A place where people celebrate birthdays and retirements with friends.  We actually witnessed one of our favorite Gatsby’smcouples get engaged there!  It’s a place where loyal customers care so much about the owner and the employees that they waited in line at a make-shift drive-through during the COVID shutdown to order takeout and help keep the business afloat.  We were such customers.  We ordered on our way there and ate our pizza in our car in the parking lot, wondering how long it would be before they could reopen.  I never thought I would miss that place, but the shutdown proved me wrong.  The place I have just described is Gatsby’s in Gahanna.

My husband and I started going there on Friday nights several years ago when we were dating.  He likes it because he always runs into someone he knows there and they get to talk about their glory days playing ball together.  The main draw though isn’t the cold beer or the pizza, but local legend and Columbus’ Entertainer of the Year, AJ Angelo.  Angelo has been playing there every Friday night for the last 30 years.  That’s quite a record I must say!  Music has always brought people together and that’s ever so apparent on a Friday night at Gatsby’s.  Throughout the evening you will hear the crowd singing along and witness people mingling with each other.  We used to go religiously every Friday but over the years, we have gradually tapered off.  I guess if we were one-time regulars we are now maybe considered “irregulars”.  Now when we go, we see lots of new faces and people from all walks of life with really nothing in common except an appreciation for good music and a friendly place to hang out. They come for the upbeat atmosphere that Angelo creates and to usher in the weekend after a long work week.

Unfortunately, Friday night, just as I was talking to one of our fellow regulars, he began to not feel well.  I grabbed him a glass of water, and within minutes, someone had called the paramedics.  They brought him out to the rescue squad and after determining that he was stable, they released him.  Do you think he went home, even though his wife was begging him to?  No.  Dammit.  It’s a Friday night at Gatsby’s and he was determined to go back inside and finish listening to AJ’s set! 

I am sharing this story even though it may not seem like it has anything to do with living Fearlessly and Faithfully, but in a way it does.  What we witnessed Friday night is a group of people all rally around one guy they know from seeing at the bar every week.  That’s it….. Just random strangers who have bonded over the years with music and beer. 

We are reminded daily of the ugly side of humanity, but Friday night, my faith in people was restored.  We didn’t just rally around him.  We rallied around each other.  We hugged one another while standing outside the rescue squad in the drizzling rain, hoping our friend would be okay.  We hugged his wife and comforted her as she was shaking.  I guess my point in all this is that we just never know. We never know what is going to happen when we get out of bed each day.  One minute a guy is having a cheeseburger and singing along, and the next, he is about to pass out at a bar with wet towels around his neck.  If we could just bottle those feelings of care and concern for one another and carry them in our hearts all day, every day, we could change the world.  If we could just spread more kindness to strangers.  We could wipe out the ugliness and Fearlessly and Faithfully show the world the best of humanity.  We could make every bar and every local hangout a place where Everybody knows your name.  And they’re always glad you came!